The Hardest Part
by Tragically Hopeless
Summary: The Hardest Part wasn't knowing that they didn't have hearts. Nor was it knowing that they couldn't actually be in love, seeming they were Nobodies. The Hardest Part was not knowing whether or not they'd see each other, after they disappear. Zemyx.


**ACuteLittleDemon: **A one shot that I wrote a few months back. I kind of forgot about it... um, well it's here now isn't it? Hope you like. Please review!

**Warning**: Yaoi, don't like, don't read.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Kingdom Hearts or any of the characters or the plot or... anything. Except the games that I bought off eBay. Nothing else. Unfortunately.

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-_- **Zexion **-_-

A dirty blond mullet, the addicting smile, and your beautiful blue eyes that were the same shade as the ocean. Your tanned face, that was the last thing in my mind as the replica with all too familiar aquamarine eyes killed me. At that moment, I cast out all other thoughts from my head, focusing only on the memory of you. I didn't want to think about anything else. I wanted my last moments as a being without a heart to be with you. Even if you're only here in my mind. I know I have the right to that, even if I didn't have the right to anything else in this existence.

Of course you would tell me that I had a right to everything, if I had told you that. No matter how many times the Superior told you that we didn't have hearts, not any more, you never believed it. I remember telling you myself that one time a few months ago. All you had told me was that I was your heart, just like you were mine. I called you a fool for that, and you just smiled at me like it was true. Was it true though? Am I your heart? My mind pondered over it for a mere moment before it decided that it wasn't. I ignored my mind for once. I wanted to live in the illusion that it was true, even if it was only for a few moments. It wouldn't be much longer until the replica was finished with me now.

Darkness over took me and I knew that it was almost over. I kept your face in my mind, not wanting to let the precious image of your face go. Your dirty blond hair, always done in the strange mullet that you loved, the addicting smile was on your face, just as it was meant to be, and your beautiful blue eyes stared at me in my mind. I remember all of the small things that had happened between us in the past years. The way you acted so shy when you first came to the Organization, when you first summoned your sitar, Arpeggio, the few times that you would be so excited because Xemnas assigned you to cooking duty instead of giving you an actual mission. All of it was imprinted in my mind this one last time. I never wanted to forget any of the times we had together.

Would you forget about any of it? I hope you don't, even if I don't have the right to hope that you remember me. How will you react when you find out that I broke my promise to come back to you, completely healthy? I hope you aren't upset, but I didn't manage to come back to you, healthy or not. I hope you aren't angry at me for breaking that promise either. I swear if I had the choice that I wouldn't have come here in the first place. Will you ever find out that Axel was one of the main reasons that I'm fading away right now? I can already answer that myself. No, you won't. Axel wouldn't tell anyone what has really happened here, in Castle Oblivion. Now, I have one more question for you before I'm gone to wherever it is that us Nobodies go to. If we ever meet again, if we ever have some of "next life" (it's possible, even if I don't completely believe), and if we even have our own hearts to give, will you still tell me that you love me? …I hope you do because I never got the chance to say it back to you.

I hope that we'll be even more in love then than we are right now. Even if I don't have the right to hope for something as wonderful as actually being in love. I do.

-_- **Demyx **-_-

You were always on my mind, even after you faded away in Castle Oblivion. Your slate blue hair that was always covered your face, your perfect blue eyes that always told me (and only me) what you were thinking about, and the soft small smile that you only showed around me. None of it ever left my mind, even as Roxas (no, it was Sora now, wasn't it?) struck me with his keyblade one last time. Maybe if you were still here then you would have helped me convince the Superior that I wasn't fit for this type of mission. But you weren't here and I was still here with Roxas. My eyes widened at the site of my weapon, my sitar, Arpeggio, disappearing without my consent. Even I was completely aware what that meant. I wouldn't be here much longer.

For a few seconds I acted angry, upset even. But in my mind, I was thanking him for doing this to me. I knew that I could never gather up the courage to put an end to my existence, no matter how much I wanted to after you faded away. You would have been upset with me if I had done myself in, no matter what the reason was. So, I'll say it again. Thank you Roxas, for ending this poor excuse of a life. Thank you Roxas, for allowing me to go meet with you, instead of forcing me to stay here for a moment longer. I hope Roxas gets to meet with Axel one more time before he fades away. The two of them deserve to be together after all they have been through… I wish I could see you one more time.

Suddenly, all I could see was the darkness and I knew that it was almost over. For the last time, I pictured your beautiful face. Your slate blue hair was covering half of your face, as usual, your lips were turned downwards in a slight scowl, probably because I had just called you beautiful, your porcelain skin was contrasting with your hair, and most of all your blue eyes were looking at me in a loving stare. In my mind's eye, your lips changed directions, giving me one of you rare smiles. Nobody else would ever get them, your smiles. They were all mine, you had even told me that once. I had asked you why you only seemed to smile when I was around. You had responded by telling me that you only smiled around me because I should be the only one to see your smiles. That your smiles were mine and nobody else's and that nobody would ever be able to change that fact. Then I saw it once again, you were glad that I had asked about that and that made me smile back at you.

Maybe if we had met under different circumstances than everything would be different than it is now. I wouldn't almost be gone from this sad, sad world and you would be with me, wherever we were. You would be reading one of your books (maybe your Lexicon?) beside me while I played on my sitar as we sat in some park, somewhere. Maybe if you hadn't faded from this world than maybe I wouldn't be on the verge of death here. We would be at the Castle that Never Was with everyone and everyone would be back to the way it was just a year or so back. Maybe we had done something absolutely horrible in a different life and that's why we had met in such horrible circumstances now. We could have murdered somebody together or been the reason an entire world was in darkness or something like that. Or maybe we would meet again, just now here. We could meet again, somewhere else, as somebodies, and have a real life without all of this. I really hope something like that will happen.

Patches of white were visible through the darkness that had completely surrounded me. The mental picture of you never left my mind and unfamiliar drops of water were coming from my eyes. No longer could I see the brunet version of Roxas but that didn't matter to me anymore. The backs of my eyes started to hurt as the salty water came from them. Even though I had just faded, I was happy. I would soon be able to see you, if everything went as I thought it would. It might take a while but that time when you left for Castle Oblivion would not be the last time that I ever got to see you.

I just hoped that everything went as I thought it would. I needed to see you again… My lips turned upwards in a small, sad smile, as the strange water continued to fall from my eyes.

~. ~ **Zexion **~. ~

It was strange, remembering you even if I had never met you before. The dreams had told me all they could about you though. They told me about a previous life, my previous existence in these worlds. A lot of them focused on you and by now I knew exactly what I used to think about you. Not that that has changed all that much. The only difference is that I haven't actually met you, so I can't exactly be sure that I feel that way about a person that I haven't met in this life. I'm sure that that will change once I meet you though.

I'm not that only person I know who has these dreams of a different life. There are others that I have met, and can remember, such as Riku, the one whose replica had killed me and a young girl, who had met Kairi and Sora once. My meeting with Riku was definitely a lot more awkward than the one with the girl, Olette. He probably still doesn't like me, not that I blame him because I don't like him all that much either. After all, who in their right mind would like someone who had tried to kill you in a previous existence? Well… nobody that I knew of, at the very least. I've briefly met with Xemnas a couple of times too. There's not much to say about that though. All he did was apologize (very unlike the Superior that I knew once upon a time) about sending me to Castle Oblivion with Marluxia, Axel, and the rest of them. The second time was merely a "hello, oh goodbye then" type of situation. I would give up meeting anyone else if only to just meet you, with even a moment's hesitation.

That was why I'm sitting here at the park though. Something in my mind told that you would be here, if not today than tomorrow or the day after that. And even if I was busy and had to go somewhere, my body would bring me to this exact park, at least once a day. It didn't matter that much to me though. I was living in an apartment that I bought with my dead parent's money and it was within walking distance of this place. The book opened in front of me while I waited was my Lexicon, the same one from my previous existence. This exact copy was Revolting Scrapbook, and I could probably tell you what the first chapter was from memory, both from this life and my previous one.

"What are you doing out here, Zexy?" someone in front of me asked, making me glance up before they continued, "Besides, I know you've read that book at least million times, so why are you out here reading it again?"

I smiled a bit and said, "Yes, I know that 'I've read this book at least a million times'. I was just waiting for somebody to show up and needed a book to read while I sat out here once again… but that doesn't matter anymore because they're here now. So, the two of us best be going now that they're here, they were a bit late, as they usually are, but they're definitely here."

I glanced back down at my Lexicon and it disappeared only seconds later, just like I had wished it to. I stood up, only to see the confused look on your face. Did you think that I was waiting for somebody else to show up? Did you think that maybe I had moved on or something, merely because you weren't there for whatever tragedy that might have happened to me during this lifetime? I hope you didn't think those things because the person I had been waiting for was you. I knew now that those feeling I used to feel, the ones that completely centered around you, were still here, I still felt that way about you. I started to walk away, a small smile still on my face as thought about you. Even now, my smiles still belonged to you and no one else could change that small little fact.

I saw that you weren't following me, instead just standing there, looking at the spot where I had just been sitting. You must have that dumbfounded look; you definitely weren't expecting me to do something like walk away from you. I couldn't rid myself of the smile on my face as I called back to you, "Demyx, are you just going to stand there like an idiot? Or do you want to actually follow me so I can bring you to my apartment before the sun goes down?"

Something must have finally clicked in your mind as you turned around and started to run towards me, as happy as can be. You started to whine about how mean of me that was, and all I could do was laugh quietly at your lovable antics. After a while you stopped talking, instead choosing to just walk beside me with that addicting smile of yours on your face. It was nice to actually be able to feel the emotions around me, nice that the smile refused to go away as long as you were around me, and the contentedness that I felt as you grabbed my hand, intertwining our fingers together was definitely nice. By the time we got to my apartment that things had changed, that there was a big difference between this life and our previous existence. In this life, every feeling, every emotion, was as real as it could get, there was no more fake "I love you" that we told each other, no more fake laughs that we had to listen to. In this life we had our hearts, we could make everything as real as it should be, and we could be ourselves without any problems because there were no problems that were anything like they were before.

That was why I pressed my lips against yours without any hesitation at all, in a small chaste kiss, the moment we were inside my apartment. I think that's when you knew that it was real, that what I felt for you, this time around, had nothing to make it anything less than what it was. I knew that you were happy, and that I would do anything to make sure you would stay happy, as long as I knew you. I don't think that you noticed how for weeks to come, I never got rid of the smile on my face. You were too happy to notice that you could have asked absolutely anything in those weeks, or maybe even months, and I would have said yes to it, no matter how ridiculous the request was. Or maybe you did notice and just never took advantage of it. Either way, when you asked me to come with you to Twilight Town, to meet Axel and see if he had Roxas with him, there was no way I could have said no to that.

Maybe in our previous existence, the hardest part wasn't not having a heart to receive your love or even not being able to truly tell you that I was in love with you. No, we knew that we were in love with each other, in our own little ways back then. The hardest part wasn't having to deal with all of the other idiots that we were forced to live with either. No, most of them might have acted like idiots but they were still a big part of who we used to be and we couldn't change that. I think, that the hardest part of all was having to see almost everyone act like they were happy, act like the person they used to be, without actually being that person or being able to accurately feel what they should have been able to feel, especially you. Yes, this was definitely the hardest part. But… we don't have to worry about that any longer now.


End file.
